Spring Joy

The last week has flown over and it's been great. The girls have played together none stop, apart from the occasional break for a fight that is!!! We've stayed close to home, kept things simple and slow and we all seem to be feeling the benefit.
I'm less stressed than I usually am and we have three happy, healthy looking, vibrant children.
We did the usual trip to Tiddlywinks on Wednesday morning then Angela, Emma and Jess came to visit throughout Thursday but other than that, nothing - just entertained each other. The car was only used on Wednesday; considering it now costs £60 to fill up the tank I think it will be left standing on the drive a lot more often!

I have such ideals about how I want to be with my children. I do feel frustrated that I can't be the 'ideal' mother all of the time, (or at all on some days!!!) but at least I try. I'm working on being more patient and on being present with my children, instead of thinking of and doing other things when they need me. The time they are small passes so quickly - they deserve time, energy and respect.

My mission for this week - apart from being present with the children, is to make time for a story. Story time means quiet time, wind down time, focusing on doing nothing but listening and imagining... So far so good. There's no way I can persuade the two oldest girls to nap after lunch so settling down for a story in our quiet corner is a good alternative. Sylvie gets more and more wound up the more tired she gets so I really need to focus on keeping her calm so that when she's ready for bed she can actually sleep, instead of having to be scraped off the ceiling! I feel that the realisation that sometimes when she drives me crazy it's because she's too tired to cope has kind of unwound itself over the last couple of weeks. She becomes totally irrational, (now that's saying some thing for a three year old) and literally can not sit still even for a moment. She makes lots of loud, bizarre noises and basically goes a bit wild.
I'm looking out for the signals throughout the day and making sure she has enough rest and that she's in bed at a reasonable time, knowing that she wakes really early.

Spring is such a beautiful time. The sunshine and the longer days have given me a real boost. At first I was dreading the changing of the seasons as I felt moving from winter to spring would take me further away from mum, however, now that Spring's here I feel OK. I still have a rope tied tightly around my chest - occasionally it's pulled so hard that I can barely breath, but most of the time it allows me space to move and function without feeling suffocated and overwhelmed.
Easter has real significance this year. The giving of eggs, something which appears dead and dormant but contains new life, is so powerful and promises of a future filled with brightness and more happiness... sadness doesn't have to last forever.
I must say though, I'm not looking forward to my birthday. The rope twists and jerks when I contemplate celebrating the day I was born without the woman who birthed me and nurtured me as best she could for 33 years. Too sad.

I've been looking at mum's old diaries which she started to write when she was about 12. I check out what she was doing on January 23rd each year - February the 9th and January 23rd, the dates of her birth and her death - the most significant dates in her universe. When she arrived Earthside and when she left.
Mum loved Angels, so here’s a poem relevant to the seasons which would have made her smile:

SEASONS AND ARCHANGELS - ISABEL WYATT

Thou Gabriel!
Bring me the white stars of winter,
Of thy lilies and snows;
Till the blessing of life-giving water and moon-beam
Into me flows.

Thou Raphael!
Bring me the green grace of springtime
Of blithe sap and young leaves;
Till the blessing of breathing and music and healing
Into me weaves.

Thou Uriel!
Bring me the red flame of summer
From air's golden steeps
Till the blessing of fires of the rose and the rainbow
Into me leaps.

Thou Michael!
Plunge deep the blue sword of autumn
Where the dark dragon lurks;
Till the stirring of iron in the blood and the meteor
Into me works.

So, over the next week I'm going to be aiming to develop more of a rhythm to our days. I feel like we're just about there and that we've reached a turning point from chaos to OK! I know Sylvie won't be going back to nursery and I know that none of the girls will be going to school so, this is it! This is our life and these are our days so I'd might as well start being organised right now!!! I am, however, going to take things slowly. No rushing around taking them places which are meaningless and add nothing to their happiness. Saying that - I want them outside in nature as much as possible because they all love it and so do I. There's something deeply satisfying about seeing a child running around with a handful of sticks, covered in mud!

We've nothing planned for Mondays or Tuesdays. There's a home ed group that we can go to on a Wednesday and a Tyne and Wear home ed meet up on a Friday which is enough to keep us going for now. I can't wait for Book Buddies to start up at Gibside on the 20th April. We've got a season ticket for the Botanic Gardens and by the end of the month we'll have a Beamish ticket too. That, along with the big park that's being built at the other side of the estate is enough to keep us going throughout the spring! Oh, not forgetting the garden of course.

Bea's just come upstairs to see me so I'd best go before she starts playing with the keyboard. It's Saturday so Mark's downstairs with the other two - Annabelle fast asleep on his knee which he just loves.

Photos of what we've been up to including, making a spring frieze, making peg dollies to go with the Tree Blocks, doing some baking, (I made spelt bread while the girls just made a gorgeous mess! visiting the deer at Whitworth park and some other stuff)....

OH yes, and I've invited some fantastic mamas over for our very own Red Thread meeting at the end of April. All good.